New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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