I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
