After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
