Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
