Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
