It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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