Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
