Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
