I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize