She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
