And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
