No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
