My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize