its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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