shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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