I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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