I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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