her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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