barbara walters just said penis...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
