last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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