I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
