U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
