I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize