There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
