I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
And then he peed in my hair
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
