I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
last night I used snow as a chaser
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
