WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
