Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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