you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
