If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Drunk is not a location!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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