you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
