At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
