You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
