i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
