There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
