omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he thought i was a dude.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
