Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
