i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
