Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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