What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
