Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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