I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
