i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Randomize
