well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
