Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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