My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize