i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
