How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
