So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
