Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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