It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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