just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
