sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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