nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I am puke
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
