i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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