I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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