OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
