So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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