so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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