it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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