He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
