at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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