Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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