I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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