He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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