I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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