He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We don't watch enough power rangers
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
