Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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