It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
